Mam'zelle Hepzibah

Happy Halloween!

Labor and Delivery Humor

My cat, Bastet---

Evidence That I Am A Dork In The Eyes Of My Child

Conversation between my 18-year-old son and me after having dropped a cool $349.17 at Kroger's. This is the child with OCD, the one whose bedroom is immaculate, like a monk's cell. The one who does his own laundry because he may get cooties from his clothes touching everyone else's. The one who can't believe he survived the filthy, germ-infested squalor that is my housekeeping to live to be an adult, even though I've forwarded this article to him many times, about how we should all eat more shit because it makes us healthier.

Tucker: Now drive home slowly, so the groceries don't go all over the place.

Me:      Where's the fun in that?     *takes turn at 45 mph*

Tucker: *clutching at dashboard* Mom! Why must you always drive like a maniac?!

Me:      You're such a kill-buzz!

Tucker: *rolls eyes*

Inspire Me Thursday--- Control

I loved this week's theme on Inspire Me Thursday! I love the idea that we control our own destiny simply by choosing the right attitude or by making positive choices. That we have control over personal happiness merely by choosing to be happy.

But then, I got to thinking about the downside of control. The issue of power and control--- that overbearing need for an individual with low self-esteem to manage his environment, dominate situations, and assert his own will upon others, all to feel a semblance of control and power over the chaos of his life. It's an issue that has affected my own family.

So I made this journal page to reflect that struggle. If you click on it, you should be able to read it. Under the paint, I used images of old ads for corsets... the device women used to use to control their....um...flab issues.

Hats

Is it too late to post an entry for Inspire Me Thursday's theme of Hats? Because this is what I look like today:

It's a bastardization of my shiny, happy self portrait from my post of Oct 13, but wearing my "Mommy" hat. The hat that shows how MUCH I love my children, and how I give them kisses and hugs. The hat that proclaims my good-Mommy-ness.   

Note how the hat is askew. Note how I don't appear very shiny or happy.

Either I'm about to start my period or my pharmacist has been supplying me with some counterfeit happy pills, because I'm not a shiny, happy Mommy.  Life with two teens and one tween that all seem to be constantly at odds is starting to take its toll on my shininess and happiness.

So, tomorrow, we're taking a little field trip that I've been planning for some time---a Family Fun Day---in which we will do something as a family and enjoy it, dammit, or get punched in the face. Do you sense that I'm a tad tense about family togetherness right now?  Stay tuned.......

Goth Girl

This is something I made on a slow night at work, cut out from magazines, for the #13  Street Crusade for Green Pepper Press, Love love LOVE the gothic theme, because, if I were a teenager today, I know I would SO be gothic. I'd have the dyed-black, ratty hair and black lipstick over a cadaverously white foundation of makeup and facial piercings...

Because, in the early 80's when I was in college and finally out from under my parents' protective wings, I was the Madonna-wanna-be straight from the movie Desperately Seeking Susan--- punk girl, Depeche Mode groupie, wearing all black with black fishnet stockings, listening to Blue Monday and Siouxsie and the Banshees.... This is what I dressed like:

   

Currently, my 14 year old daughter likes to paint her fingernails black to rebel against her parents, but secretly, I  love it!   (Don't tell her!)

Here's another similarly themed art journal page I did...   Similar because it's black, and it has a skull on it, I guess.   

Self Portait

This is my self portrait inspired by Suziblu's Be Kind To Yourself vlog. I wrote a long blurb on the question: "Who am I?", then painted a portrait of myself over the words. After finishing this, I've come to the following conclusions about myself:
1). Altho I'm in my 40's, emotionally I feel like I'm still in my mid-20's, and this translates into my art. Don't I look young and attractive? Totally a ruse. (as my daughter said, "you look like Barbie!")
2). Even though we were supposed to be writing only positive things, I found myself writing all sorts of negatives and "should's" and "ought to"s. There I am, trapped in that Not Good Enough mode.
3). I love how I can delete the wrinkles and zits and imperfections from a self portrait by telling myself I am an amateur painter, incapable of painting such detail.
4). I think I look HAPPY and HOPEFUL in this portrait.

 

The Skinny

Earlier, I threatened promised I would post some of my art journal pages, so this is what you get. I still can't bring myself to post any of the really personal ones, which generally consist of me mewling and puking up the raw sewage of my psyche, invariably peppered with a plethora of "nobody likes me"s, "I'm not good enough"s, and "if only blah-blah-blah then I would be happy"s. Then there are the tiny but telltale tear stains and remnants of crumpled soggy kleenexes in the creases of the journal. Embarrassing and pathetic.   

Instead, you have my testament to my ongoing love-hate relationship with my body. The 40-ish body that has borne four children, that will never look like it did in college, no matter how many calories I cut or laxatives I take. I don't have that much weight to lose, but the extra 25 lbs I'm packing feels like I'm eternally stuck in the ninth month of my 4th pregnancy, during which I gestated a baby elephant. Ladies, do you know what I'm talking about? I'm waddling around with my belly uncomfortably straining against my waistband and my bedonka-donk butt  bursting out the back of my jeans to provide ballast for my front.

So I'm doing Weight Watchers and exercising and thinking skinny thoughts. And I'm feeling good about being 40.....ish. Because I'm strong (just look at those huge upside down biceps on my arms! ...you know, the ones that jiggle when I wave at someone?) and I can do anything I set my mind to!

p.s. I was just kidding about the laxatives...

The Devil's Seed

Just posting some ATC's today, because I am having a bad day. Do any of you have teenagers? I have 2 teenagers and 1 tween. Let me tell ya, life is no picnic living with that kind of crowd.

I really admire bloggers who write about their kids in funny ways, like dooce, whoopee, and breed 'em and weep. They manage to make their children so endearingly witty and amusing. But the thing is, their kids are little. And therefore cute. My kids are teenagers. And therefore SO not cute. Teenagers aren't funny. They're tragic and irksome. And SERIOUSLY AGGRAVATING. Like I want to poke my eye out with a sharp object all day long just to dull the pain of dealing with three hormonally-unhinged spawns of Satan. Like I look at rat poison and have to sit on my hands to keep from acting on my impulses. Like I figure it's better to let the violence between them ensue and escalate, because it may help to cut down on the teenage population in my household.

Please check back with me tomorrow so you can see me take back all the evil things I've written just now and read my dry but witty rendering on the cute, comical, and incredibly adorable things they've done today.

Inspire Me Thursday---For the birds...

The theme for Inspire Me Thursday is birds, so this is my expression of that inspiration. I originally started the background several weeks ago, after the very first time I discovered Suziblu and her "How To Keep An Art Journal" vlogs. She seemed to be speaking right to me when she listed all the excuses you can't play in your art journal--- "I've got kids".... "not enough time"...."I'm not good enough"....  That's my #1 excuse: Not Good Enough. With capital letters.

So after watching her whip off a journal page, I went into my studio and did the same. I just played. For ME. It didn't have to be perfect, or a work of art. I just had fun. Then when I read the Henry Van Dyke quote and saw the theme for this Thursday's prompt, I had to add it on there. It's not perfect or compositionally astounding, but I love it, because I felt so FREE when I was making it.